so i arrive at my local blockbuster video store, which happens to be in a local mall. i park in the fire lane, as i’m just running in to return a few videos and pick up a few more with my blockbuster total access membership (which totally rocks, btw), knowing i wouldn’t be in the store for longer than 10 minutes at most.
i come back outside a few minutes later to see this garbage on my windshield, and the POS security homosexual that wrote it power-walking (practically sprinting) down the mall, writing out “violations” to each car parked in the fire lane (and there had to be at least 20 of them).
was i wrong to park in the fire lane? probably. do i care? no. what really amuses me about this “violation” is the wording on it…
“This vehicle’s description has been permanently recorded. Any additional infractions of our regulations could result in towing at vehicle owner’s expense and revocation of parking privileges.”
wtf? i have several problems with this - allow me to elaborate…
first, if you’re going to get a tow truck, hook it up to my car, and tow my car - and do all of this within the 10 minutes i’m in the store - more power to you. i’d love to see you accomplish it, although i’m not sure how considering you’d still need to finish your sprint to make sure all of the vehicle owners parked in the fire lane are properly notified of their “violations.”
second, how exactly do you plan to tow my car when it’s parallel parked between two other cars that are also parked in the fire lane? are you going to drag it horizontally?
third, are we in high school? revocation of parking privileges? are you f***ing kidding me? i feel like i’m back in elementary school and was just given a demerit. three demerits gets you detention. “now timmy, don’t park like that again. if you park like that two more times, you’ll be sent to detention and lose your parking privileges. be smart about this, mmmmmkay?” give me a f***ing break.
fourth, how exactly do you plan to enforce this “revocation of parking privileges?” ok, so it’d be obvious if i was parked in the fire lane again that you could see my car and get upset (i won’t say you’d give me a ticket, because if you gave tickets that cost people actual money, you would have done it in this case). let’s say i, being the smart individual that i am, park in an actual parking spot so that my car blends with the others - are you going to walk around the entire lot, looking for cars that have had their “parking privileges” revoked, so that you can write them another “violation?” if the cressona mall is actually paying its security guards to do this, maybe that’s the reason the mall sucks ass to begin with, and has been largely abandoned for years.
on a happy note, this has given me an idea for a new website. details will follow shortly. as for you, mr. parking nazi idiot that wrote me this “violation,” just be happy i didn’t get out of the store in time to take your picture - that would’ve been a bad day for both you AND the mall.